Roommate Wanted
Joshua Allen


ROOMMATE WANTED - 2bd/1ba apt. - $420 / 820 ft2 - (price negotiable)

Clean living space. Living room, TV w/cable. Spacious kitchen. Early 2000s appliances. Formerly home to a alcoholic college painter w/ depressive tendencies. Available room painted eclectically – Seurat-esque. Smells of cigarettes. Roommate MUST provide couch. ALSO – current couch stuck in closet. Ba – tiled floor, chrome faucets, penciled quotes on walls.

LOOKING FOR QUIET, SOCIAL ROOMMATE. No artists. Nobody named ANDREW. Preferably a female – you’ll live with a woman who falls in love easily. If male, preferably ugly and/or homosexual – NOTHING AGAINST THEM, PROMISE. You’ll live with a roommate w/ a sense of humor, whimsy, who doesn’t like mood-swings. NO MANIC-DEPRESSIVES. NO BIRDS, EVEN IF YOU’RE JUST WATCHING IT FOR FRIEND. NO JEHOVAH WITNESSES – You’ll live with strict ATHEIST (who sometimes wants to believe just so she knows everything’ll be all right). ROOMMATE’LL HAVE TO PROVIDE EMO. SUPP. WHEN SHE SEES EX AT SCHOOL.

Washer/dryer, Utilities, Wifi included. Now a smoke-free house. WARNING – May have pink hair for interview.

Call Charlotte: 407-679-7968     

 

About the author:
Joshua Allen is a sophomore at Indiana University. He enjoys puns, arguing with friends, and finding the best pasta dishes wherever he goes.