The Invention of Glass
Larry Lefkowitz The invention of glass happened in the following manner. The beach dweller, whose name has unfortunately been lost to us, though some believe it might have been Steven or Steuban, was miffed after being insulted by the hill dweller. The latter, whose name has been completely forgotten, had said to the former, in response to some slight, real or imagined, "People who live in brick houses shouldn't throw stones." Immediately he realized that he had committed a faux pas. What he had said just didn't make sense. What he needed was a substance that stones would break for "People who live in ______ houses," etc. He experimented with various materials, testing their frangibility. Wood and metal were too strong for the expression, straw laughably weak. Nothing worked. The beach dweller watched the hill dweller's futile efforts. "That clod will take forever to come up with the proper material," he said to himself. "If I can find it first, I can use his maxim against him." He was, it must be admitted, spurred on additionally by the prospect of "his" maxim appearing in Famous Quotations (which only accepted completed maxims). He wisely decided on sand as the principal ingredient since he lived on the beach where supplies were plentiful. First he tried mixing sand with sea water, but the sludge was entirely inappropriate for the maxim. Sand and sea shells proved no more effectual. The 16th of his mixtures tried was sea and sea plants. Though promising, it did not quite work. Then the beach dweller had the idea to heat the various mixtures. The heating of the 16th produced glass. Eureka! It fit the maxim like a glove: "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." He ran to the hills and, rousing the hill dweller from his afternoon nap, made him a gift of the glass – "to replace that mud hut of yours." The hill dweller was astonished at the gift, coming not so long after his insult, even if incomplete, of the beach dweller. Still, "why look a gift horse in the mouth," he thought, summoned up from the not so halcyon days before he gave up horse trading, unable to stomach any longer the fetid horse breath which was an unfortunate concomitant of the trade. He made a mental note to send his on the spot verbal invention to Famous Quotations for consideration. He tried the glass, and indeed it made a beautiful glass house, save for its facing in the direction of the thatched hut of the beach dweller. As soon as the hill dweller put the last glass shingle in place on the roof of his house, the beach dweller pounced. "Aha, you have left yourself exposed to the very dangers posed by my admittedly improved offensive remark you promptly, and ungratefully, laid on me: "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones," failing to take into consideration that I had wisely not built myself a glass house precisely to avoid the dangers posed by your applying the maxim to me, rendering it inappropriate in the extreme." The hill dweller smiled, looked the beach dweller straight in the eyes, and said evenly, "You have failed to perceive my wrap-around plastic shutters who formula I fortuitously discovered yesterday and was saving for just such an occasion, in order to offset the applicability of the maxim; ergo, my house is protected against possible stone attack despite being made of glass." Both of them pretended to leave the matter at that, yet both secretly began working on a formula for sun-energized powder – hoping to come up with a maximal basis for "Keep your powder dry." |
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About the Author:
The stories, poetry,and humor of Larry Lefkowitz have been widely published in journals, online, and anthologies, including The Literary Review, The Main Street Rag, Third Wednesday Review, Midstreeam, American Film, and others. . His literary novel, The Novel, Kunzman, the Novel! is available as an ebook and in print here and other distributors. His humorous fantasy and science ficiton collection, Laughing into the Fourth Dimension is available here.
The stories, poetry,and humor of Larry Lefkowitz have been widely published in journals, online, and anthologies, including The Literary Review, The Main Street Rag, Third Wednesday Review, Midstreeam, American Film, and others. . His literary novel, The Novel, Kunzman, the Novel! is available as an ebook and in print here and other distributors. His humorous fantasy and science ficiton collection, Laughing into the Fourth Dimension is available here.