- One more hot dog than you have any business eating
- As many buns as hot dogs, or however many you think Mark won’t miss from his shelf in the refrigerator, whichever is smaller
- Mustard, ketchup, mayonnaise because what the hell
Light a fire in the fireplace of the former basement rec room you now inhabit in a houseshare because you can’t afford an actual apartment what with mortgage payments on the house you rationally agreed she should live in while the two of you sort things out. Oak is best, but any wood will do that hasn't picked up too much oil from the garage floor.
Let residual hydrocarbons flare off. Since you don’t have the telescoping wire toasting forks with red wooden handles that you remember from childhood, tear two of those flat metal hook-ended slats out of a hanging file folder to use as skewers.
Run the skewers crosswise through the hotdogs perpendicular to their axes and about an inch apart from one another, forming a narrow isosceles triangle when you grasp the skewer ends together. This is marginally more stable than a single skewer. Hold the skewer ends with a clean sock.
Grill until charred or warm or whatever. Remind yourself you have eaten them directly from the package and are still alive.
Slide into buns, any surplus onto the plate. Garnish with mustard, ketchup, mayonnaise. Pairs with alcohol.
About the Author: Tom Elliott lives in Brighton, Massachusetts with hi wife and two feral cats, who aren't nearly as fierce as that sounds. He has nonfiction published in The Gettysburg Review, New Madrid, Mount Hope, and New Delta Review.